Tricia Thornton came to Americans’ attention in 2023 when she counseled grieving children and their families following the tragic Covenant School shooting in Nashville, Tennessee.
A 28-year-old former student Aiden Hale, previously known as Audrey Hale, killed three nine‑year‑old children and three adults before being fatally shot by police officers.
It was based on her work with children and families following the Covenant School tragedy, devastating tornadoes, and a downtown bombing and many other trauma-inducing incidents.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRIMARY AND SECONDARY TRAUMA
Ms. Thornton explained in a column for The Tennessean that primary trauma occurs when an individual personally experiences or witnesses the actual event.
Secondary trauma happens when a person indirectly is exposed to the event.
Caregivers and community members near a traumatic event often suffer from secondary trauma.
BIGGEST ISSUE IN CHILDREN FOR PARENTS
“The No. 1 presenting issue that parents have reported to me is anxiety”
“Children’s sleep is altered as well as their ability to regulate their emotions.”
“Hence they are more agitated and not able to balance their big feelings.”
She offers three tips to parents:
TIP 1: MONITOR AND LIMIT SCREEN TIME
During my play therapy sessions with younger children, they often will use puppets to show me how their parent does not listen to them because of being on their phones or watching the news.
I recommend parents enlist a buddy to help themselves monitor their own screen time usage by taking turns watching or reading about a traumatic event.
Younger children need to only watch screens for one hour per weekday and no more than three hours on the weekends.
TIP 2: PARENTS AND KIDS NEED TO TALK ABOUT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
Following a traumatic event, it is often thought that saying little about the event is the most effective method.
Of course, for younger children that are not aware of the events, it is encouraged to not discuss the details.
Children desperately need to know that it is safe for them to be able to talk openly with their parents.
TIP 3: SELF-CARE IS PARAMOUNT FOR PARENTS
In the wake of a trauma, parents are often so distraught themselves.
Self-care is paramount during times of stress.
A parent modeling mindfulness, such as deep breathing, journaling, and yoga will empower a child to follow their example.
USE KEY LANGUAGE TO COMMUNICATE SAFETY WITH KIDS
“When a child feels fear, a parent can say: I see and hear you are feeling scared. Then, pause.”
Allow the child to know they are being seen and heard.
“Follow with: I wonder how we can deal with this together?”
The last statement tells the child they are not alone, but on the same team.
COMBINING PSYCHOLOGY AND NEUROSCIENCE WITH SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE
Ms. Thornton combines psychological and neuroscience research with spiritual guidance to address many of the mental health issues that parents are facing as they raise their children in today’s unforgiving world.
“There is a reason why the airlines say for us to put on our oxygen mask first and then our children.”
“It’s the same emotionally and even physically in life, because we know that emotions are tied to our bodies.”
“Parents have to help themselves first.”
“AUTHENTIC CONNECTION THE ULTIMATE GOAL FOR PARENTS”
Tricia Thornton’s second book: Beyond Blessed Parenting: Embrace These Seven Principles and Experience Authentic Connection emphasises that authentic connection is the ultimate goal in raising emotionally healthy children.
“Authentic connection is experienced when parents first connect with God, then within themselves, then with one another, then with their children,” writes the author.
Throughout the book, she walks her readers through seven Biblically-based foundational principles.
They are Silence, Listening, Acknowledgement, Renewal, Forgiveness, Balance, and Embrace.
“I SEE PARENTS AND CHILDREN FULL OF ANGST, FEARS AND UNKNOWNS”
“Daily, I see parents and children of all ages come into Tricia Thornton Therapy with their own stories full of angst, fears, and unknowns,” reveals Ms. Thornton.
“Through my own journey and walking alongside my clients, I have come to the truth that many parents are in a crisis state, desperately trying to empower their children while at the same time not getting caught in anxious loops themselves.”
She urges parents to cultivate their own individual growth, which in turn enriches their parenting.
“Perfection is unattainable, but a beautiful, immensely rewarding parenting experience is within your reach, and will lead to authentic connection,” declares the therapist.
“IT IS MUCH HARDER FOR A PARENT TODAY THAN IN PREVIOUS GENERATIONS”
“I have practiced pediatrics for 30 years and recognise that it is much harder to be a parent today than in previous generations.
“I want parents to feel the freedom to be able to be present and emotionally there and show up for their children,” Tricia Thornton shares.
“We know neurologically that our brain connects with our child’s brain to give them emotional safety and to communicate that.”
“If we’re not in a somewhat grounded, balanced place, then we’re not going to be able to connect with our children.”
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